“Resentment is the curse of the faithful, the virtuous, the obedient, and the hard-working.” Henri Nouwen

I’m the prodigal son.

Perhaps “prodigal” doesn’t mean what you think it means. It doesn’t mean sinful or wandering, it means extravagantly wasteful. Makes sense now, doesn’t it? Just what did the famed “prodigal son” waste in Jesus’ parable? Well, it depends upon which son to whom you refer and the time period in question. The younger son was clearly wasteful with money, but I really don’t think that was Jesus’ point. Both sons were extravagantly wasteful with their father’s love and grace. The younger son at the beginning of the parable, and the older son at the end. Both sons had the opportunity to greatly benefit from the father’s love and grace, and both sons squandered it.

It’s kind of in vogue these days for Christians to identify with the older son. I can see the application, especially since that seems to be Jesus’ main point for his audience. But to be honest, I identify with the younger son. I have strayed as a young man only to return, broken and repentant. It’s good to be home. However, I am still prone to be wasteful of God’s mercy. I keep wandering off. Not in the same manner as before; I still go to church and conduct myself accordingly. I don’t engage in “prodigal” activities that could be easily measured. I have found that I have a tendency to gravitate toward the prodigal nature of the older brother. I still don’t see myself as him exactly, but I often catch my heart creeping away from the mercy of God, into a judgmental pig sty where I look down on those who are self-righteous. Ironic, isn’t it? Sometimes I look on with pity and arrogance toward those who haven’t come home yet. “How could they be so blind?” I ask with incredulity. Thus, the younger brother becomes the older, standing in the shadows of resentment and pride, extravagantly wasting the father’s mercy.

Jesus’ parable is so very complex as I find the characters shifting over time. I find myself wondering about the later years – the relationship between the younger and older brothers. Did they reconcile? Was the older brother cut to the heart by the father’s words to him at the end? Did the brothers switch roles as the older came to his senses, realizing that he had been extravagantly wasteful with his father’s love while the younger burned with resentment at what the older had said of him?

I’m the prodigal son… years later.